Real personalized funerals not only “ look” different from traditional funerals, they also “feel” different. The difference is in the emotional context of the experience, which imparts to survivors a strong and lasting sense of who you were to them. It is an experience that delivers a powerful personal insight and an emotional connection with a living and sustainable memory of you. This is no small gift you give, when accomplished; its effect is felt forever. A “good funeral” is any funeral that creates effective grieving opportunities. Good funerals create safe boundaries for grieving and make the public expression of loss acceptable. When we grieve for any particular loss, we always access our personal “loss history” and create the potential for us to grieve for all of the losses for which we needed to grieve but did not. If spiritual matters are important to you, your church or a geographical location that has inspired and empowered you might be the most appropriate funeral location. As you know, funeral homes are designed to accommodate the requirements of funerals and that might be the most appropriate location. On the other hand maybe you want to create a celebration with champagne, a brass band, party favors and your favorite food spread out on a fine linen tablecloth? Maybe a more formal ceremony is appropriate with more pomp and circumstance? Perhaps a head table, where close friends are seated who will deliver formal eulogies, might be more in keeping with your life wishes?
Ministers and spiritual leaders skilled at talking to the bereaved can bring a dimension of comfort and hope, but they need not be the only participants. Consider making a video of yourself talking to your friends and family, or showing a video of a special family function. You can leave messages on audiotapes or videos for friends and family to hear at the funeral. Even bequeathing special personal items can serve as a moving part of the ceremony. If you have a beloved pet, make provisions for him/ her to play a part, if you choose.
As you plan, try to give others a sense of your experiences in life. If your grandchildren were the center of your life, organize the ceremony around their play activities wherever you have it. You can arrange to have the funeral any place you loved: a park, a lake, the beach, the woods, a restaurant, and athletic field, on a boat, in a bar, your home or any location that has meaning to your family. Especially if the location can serve to help them remember you as they knew you in life, not in death. Creating a ceremony that reflects you – your ideas, beliefs and feelings – will become increasingly clear. As you begin to find your way through the exercise of confronting your own mortality by planning your personalized funeral, be bold. Displaying symbols of your life at the funeral might help your family remember what you liked and why you did, so get creative. We offer many ways to help families personalize and customize a funeral or memorial service. Personalization not only provides a special way to remember a loved one, it also allows those present to participate in the ceremony. It is becoming more common to tailor a funeral service to the personality of the deceased. Prayers and remembrances offered by family and friends, favorite music, treasured belongings, pictures and mementos can all play a major role in making the final tribute fitting and moving. The family can choose to assemble a display containing family photographs, favorite possessions, and items from a hobby or awards the deceased received. These items help move the emphasis of the services to the memories of the person's life, rather than on the circumstances of his or her death. Personalization can also be added by involving prayers and hymns, or civil rituals such as the lighting of candles, the release of helium balloons, Doves of Peace, or butterflies. |
